A Mother’s Day poem
Kapit na lang…
Kapit pa ba?
We sometimes wish to find love in order to forget the pain of a broken heart. It’s better to unburden yourself of the past before welcoming a new love.
I reached for you, wanting. Ensconced in your arms, wishing To turn your coldness into warmth. I almost did. I kissed your lips, hoping. Within your embrace, I’m waiting For you to kiss me back. You almost did. I laid on your chest, listening To your breathing, yearning That your heart will beat for me. It never did.
My heart is a mess.Cracked in some parts,Chipped on others;Bruised all over. It has been brokenA thousand times over;Glued and patchedAgain and again. It is a beautiful mess,Splendidly destroyedBut it is resilientAnd still beating strong.
Someday, I’ll think of you fondly And smile while I remember The funny conversations, Our banter and jokes. Someday, remembering your hugs Will remind me of your warmth, And I wouldn’t think about Your kisses and caresses. Someday, I will. Stop thinking of you, Stop loving you. I’ll get over you. Until then, I’ll feel the pain Whenever your name appears On my phone screen, Or in my head. -Katie Velez 03.16.2018
She didn’t know, Who would leave or stay; And decided it would be better To push them all away. She’d rather not settle, Choosing would be unfair, While her heart beats for another, Though he’d never notice her. For the heart beats For the one it wants; It yearns and waits Though no hope can be found. She’d rather be alone Than betray her love Though she loves alone And she alone loves. -Katie Velez 03.13.2018
I don’t want to… Not when I’m the tattered version of my old self, Not while I’m still picking up the pieces Of the self-esteem that lies broken at my feet. I don’t want to… Even when I’ve put the pieces back together Or when the wounds began their healing, For I know the scars will never disappear. I don’t want to… Not when the echoes of pain rang clearly at every beat; Or when doubt whispers the fears that haunts every dream, Clouds every hope, and muddies every fresh starts. I don’t want to… Not when I couldn’t give it everything I have Not when I am not ready to put my life on the line Or brave enough to take another risk. I don’t want to… Not until I feel like my self again, Or can stand firmly on my own two feet. Not until someone can accept as I am now. Until then… I don’t want to
Though hearts can heal after any pain, it takes time for it to function the right way.
It rises and falls, Strengthens or weakens, It rages, then calms. Even when it breaks It would recede, Then build itself up. As the waves do, So does love. -Katie Velez 03.09.2018